Friends, I have a few pieces of advice for all of you in how to avoid the those awkward conversations with boys where they start with a tacky pick up line like “I am not a photographer, but I can picture you and me together”, or more specific to me since all my pictures are of cats – “I can’t decide who’s cuter, you or your cat”. Or, even worse, people who want to go straight to the down and dirty. Bro, i do not know you. I do not want that. Or the worst, the nice, friendly guy who seems really cool but ghosts you in the middle of your halfway decent conversation. Here are a few friendly tips and suggestions.
1. Start with the shocker
Before you give the guy anytime to throw in his usually obnoxious two cents, get started with something that’ll spice things up a bit! Chose a line that is not only strange and intriguing, but warrants a prompt response! My best friend consistently uses the line “What do you think of the slow loris pushing humans to the brink of extinction?”. It checks all of the boxes. Weird, yes. Bizarre, yes. Prompts a response even out of someone wanting to communicate more with this unique individual, yes. I think that people depend on men so much to start the dating conversation, that they either run out of creative ideas too quickly or just do not want to spend the time coming up with a good starter in the first place. Friends, take charge of the conversation and start with a lil bit of pizazz y’all.
2) Throw them off base
Men will always be douchebags who want to objectify women and say rude and creepy things to people they do not know online. Some will just say something generic that seems to clearly warrants a very specific response. “Hey kayla! How are you doing today?” I AM FINE TODDERICK! WHAT ELSE DANG ANSWER DO YOU FLIPPING EXPECT? In these cases, need to carefully craft a response based on their profile that makes them realize that you don’t want this conversation to go down the route that every Tinder conversation goes down. You want to have an actually interesting, if not funny conversation. This technique is also highly recommended for extremely rude men yet you need to play with them and manipulate until they say something stupid like “no one will ever date you. You’re too strange.” That is how you know that you have really won! I have attached a few examples of #2 to this email because that is my speciality
3) The gif
The gif is great for one purpose mainly. There are endless gifs that can express so many things, yet are perfectly ambiguous in the few second clips that they represent. These give just enough information, that makes people beg for more details! If not, this could also lead to an entire conversation entirely conversed through gifs which is an incredibly special occurrence as well.
4) The Straight to Da Point
Talking on dating apps can be literally the worst thing ever. The pointless small talk, wasting your time, getting to know the person better while simultaneously going nowhere and leading up to the dramatic conclusion of absolutely nothing. Why bother?! Why waste your precious time? Everything is better in person because then there is no ghosting allowed bro. Want to go on a date that night? Just text a few guys who seem kyoot exactly that and see what happens!? Or spice it up and say something like “Rowan! A oracle just told me that the world will end if we do not go to [this specific bar] at [this specific time]. Will you help me save the planet while simultaneously getting to know each other? [winky face emoji].
In conclusion, dating apps can really suck and sometimes feel like you are only on them because you want the satisfaction of matching with cute people, even if you are actually searching for something a little more significant. Apps like Bounce are specifically designed for organizing dates between people through live swiping sessions, but I have had so much more luck [not much luck whatsoever] confronting these people myself and taking things into my own hands [I back out of confrontation]. Ladies [and everyone else!] take a stand and get what ya want.
Here are a few tidbits from my phone album entitled ‘I self sabotage my relationship status but I love it’ Please note my poor decision making in always using dating apps when my phone is dying. My phone is also always dying.