Dearest Friend and Reader,

As I sit on the train, headed all the way to the opposite side of the
city on a train bound for midtown, I must reflect on the boys lost and
those of the future.

Simply put, as I sat on my L train emerging into civilization from the
deep, dark middle of nowhere depths of Ridgewood, Queens, I can not
help but open my handy dandy free dating apps and begin to swipe. As I
swish and swish my finger back and forth through the meaningless
pictures of idiotic boys who do unbelievably idiotic things like write
“man” as their profession, I stumble upon the ONE. Unfortunately, at
this point in my life, I had run out of likes, yet I can still promise
with the utmost sincerity and absoluteness that this man is the man
for me.

Here are the criteria that make be POSITIVE that darling TJ is such a
perfect match. In no particular order:

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