A few nights ago I went on a date,
In search of love and a potential mate.
We met at a bar in a place called Alphabet City,
Though the street was quite quiet,
The bar was quite pretty.
Why You Should NEVER Go Back to His Apartment
Going back to someone’s apartment can be scary for many reasons! You never truly know what to expect when you go back to the place where someone lives when you have only known them for a few hours. It can be absurdly personal and say a lot about what the person is like. Including it being a plot to plan your potential murder, here are a few reasons why you should ABSOLUTELY NEVER do it:
Stranger Danger! How to Not Talk to Men on Dating Apps
Friends, I have a few pieces of advice for all of you in how to avoid the those awkward conversations with boys where they start with a tacky pick up line like “I am not a photographer, but I can picture you and me together”, or more specific to me since all my pictures are of cats – “I can’t decide who’s cuter, you or your cat”. Or, even worse, people who want to go straight to the down and dirty. Bro, i do not know you. I do not want that. Or the worst, the nice, friendly guy who seems really cool but ghosts you in the middle of your halfway decent conversation. Here are a few friendly tips and suggestions.
A Cold One With The Boys
Recently I had a conversation with a boy, who I will call Granoopulus, for no reason other than the fact that I want to preserve his anonymity and I think it suits him, about the true meaning of “cracking a cold one with the boys”. When, at least I think of “cracking a cold one with the boys”, I think of WILD BRO CULTURE and frat bros in Animal House getting ridiculously drunk together and wreaking havoc on the world and being absurdly offensive to all non-white males.
However, I think that the idea of “cracking a cold one with the boys” is much more stigmatized and complicated than one would think. The more men that I meet here in NYC, the more faith that I have in the male population as a whole. One could also think that the act of cracking a cold one could defy gender roles and anyone could be a part of ‘the boys’ under the condition that they were all harmoniously drinking in unison. I never thought about this too deeply, since I think that the entire idea of calling drinking with friends “cracking a cold one” quite absurd, but that is besides the point. Granoopulus let me know that cracking a cold one with the boys is less of an action and more of a feeling of intense joy and catharticus that comes with cracking a beer with a bunch of your male-identifying friends.
Tis the Art of Friendzoning
To those of you who have read my posts, you probably have complete faith in my complete lack of dating skills and anything related to that. As a matter of fact, you have heard my struggles and insanely awkward experiences attempting to do anything even remotely, vaguely related to an attempt to date further than the first date. However, one thing that I would never, and no one should ever distrust my experience in is the Art of Friendzoning. Read more
An Ode to Spending Valentine’s Day “Alone”
Another Valentine’s Day is here and maybe you are looking at all the couples, all the sappy Facebook posts and your friend’s texting their significant others and thinking “Wow, I hate this.” Maybe you got your Galentines together for a night of mingling where one of the main topics was how much you hate being alone. Or, possibly you spent the night curled up in your bed very likely concussed from hitting your head on the wall while reaching for your phone charger (shout out to myself). But why do we do this?
Valentine’s Day does not have to be about spending time with your boyfriend of 6 years and going out to a fancy dinner where you give each other very expensive gifts that you can totally (barely afford). What’s wrong with it being a night where you put yourself out there and try out a new person. A night of firsts and possibly new love. Can’t it be a night where you spend time with your closest friends and realize how your mutual platonic love for each other sustains you and gets you through life’s daily hardship and heartache. It can even be a night where you find your innermost love for yourself, filing a part of your heart that no boy or friend could ever fill (#thankunext). Maybe you are realizing your adoration for your bosses or coworkers who show you respect and give you opportunities in your employment that give you the opportunity to think and grow. Or, maybe you are coming to the realization of the importance of your family and how they shaped you.
To all my fellow single Valentine’s, if it means anything to you, even if I have never met for you, you are my galentine. Worry not about not about adoration from others determining your self worth on this often dreaded day, instead use it as a way of considering and thinking about the other sources of love or respect in your life and how they make your life better. Even if you feel very alone right now, remember that you are never truly alone. All of us other singles living under the annoying, heteronormative notion that Valentine’s Day is for couples feel for you. Spend the night curled up on the couch watching reruns of campy TV shows tonight. You deserve it!
❤ Kayla
P.S.: For my more cynical readers (Jk I don’t think anyone reads this but my friend and my mom). Did you know that when couple’s celebrate Valentine’s Day, while shrouded in mystery, they might actually be celebrating murder, pedophilia and struggling discrimination? https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2. If this doesn’t make you feel better about not celebrating, then I don’t think anything will.
The Deal Breakers: A Summary of Dating Men Shorter Than You Who Are Allergic to Cats
I would consider myself to be an average size person. Though even though I do not have the experience nor the romantical bandwidth to support it, I do have larger than average standards. I do not have many deal breakers (I like to tell myself), but my main ones are the boy MAY NOT be allergic to cats (MUST enjoy feline company) and they MAY NOT be smaller than me. When I am in a relationship (I have never been in a relationship), I like to feel like a guy is tall enough to wrap his arms around me, to not have to be on his tippy-toes to kiss me, and even to protect me. I know that is some patriarchal BS that I should not be supporting as the feminist liberal that I am, but I can’t help it! Read more
Four is great, six is fate!: AKA a triple date can be even worse than a double date bc I am cursed
As you may already predict about me from the one and only blog post that I have written so far, I am a bit addicted to awkwardness. Yes, I regret it in the moment and it causes my stomach and heart to feel like they are being squeezed by a gremlin, but once it is over, I am confident in the fact that the residual awkwardness not only shapes the stories that I ADORE to tell my friends but my identity as a human being within this extremely awkward place that we call earth.
I think this was largely why I was not satisfied with the double tinder date that I went on. Was it unbearable at times, yes? Was it one of the most socially grueling times of my entire life, for sure. Did I simply need to do it again no matter how completely awful it went, ya betcha I did. For the next few weeks, all I did was petition my friend Raimee to have us go on another one. I begged and pleaded, but even Rachel, whose date did not go completely awfully, had better things to do, obviously, then go on a bad date with two random boys she did not know and probably would never see again. But for me, that was the dang best part! Why worry about the annoying task of accidentally friend zoning every single boy you ever meet? Read more
The Art of the Tinder Double Date
The awkwardness of Tinder dates. Sitting awkwardly at a rocky table at some random divey Irish pub in the East Village. You glance over at your somewhat attractive, yet overly confident and way to self-indignant tinder date as he enters minute 10 of his rambling speech about his traumatic childhood experience on the playground that led to his brief stint as a third-place contender in his high school’s JV wrestling team. Your head bobs with extreme fake enthusiasm as your body says “Get me the HELL out of here.” You glance down at your phone, desperately wanting to give your friend the complete rundown of how the date went down. No detail too small to be left out. Mark awkwardly did the yawn trick to try to put his arm around you, she must know. Do you want to know the only way that this horrible date could be even better? If this friend was there with you and there was another god-awful man at the same table with you! Read more
Young n’ Anxious
My name is Kayla and yes, I am young and yes, I am anxious. Yet, somehow in this crazy little world we call NYC, I manage to be partially a normal and functional person, but mainly a person who gets myself into every insanely awkward situation possible.
Young n' Anxious 